So, two different bloggers have mentioned me in the last month and I'm so honored! Honestly, I make so little effort online to keep up my blog, I'm always shocked when someone finds and follows me and I build an online relationship with them.
First is Trying To Be Normal Since Last Tuesday. She told people I give good book recommendations. If she had flat out told me she loved me, she could not have been kinder. (The day I suspected I would be good friends with Helen is the day we were discussing book and based on her interests I told her to read Tam Lin by Pamela Dean and she told me that she had an autographed version already. A person who has your same reading history and interests is a good person to cultivate as a friend.) To be fair, I first started following her blog because I realized we were some how making the same sewing projects. But to then also discover that she shares my love of good books and my hate of germs and dirt? Fantastic.
Second is First Time Mom. I found her at her previous blog. How? I googled "tired of being pregnant" and there it was. I had found my soul mate -- someone who hated pregnancy as much as I did. Ugh, I still hate pregnancy no matter how much I adore my babies. She is now blogging about being a mom with devotion and energy, but she's not telling me about her kale smoothies, her love of doing yoga with her baby, or how she spent five hours creating a whole black/white/red environment to best accommodate her babies sense of sight. Because that's normally who I read and they send me into shame spirals. When I read April's blog, I come away thinking, "Hee, yeah, I do that."
So, thanks for the shout out, ladies.
20120719
An Open Letter To My Firstborn
I wrote this letter a tiny bit prior to having N2. I assure you all that I love N2 as I love N, and I would say as much, but that would indicate that I love them in the same way. My love for them is most likely equal but it is different.
Dear N,
You are very clingy nowadays, but, to tell the truth, I don't mind so much since I'm sort of clinging to you too. We both can sense change coming and it is scaring the bejeezus out of us. When I first started this pregnancy and started my daily habit of napping with you for hours each day, it seemed like I had all the time in the world to spend solely with you. Often, as soon as you fell into your nap, I'd turn over to get comfortable so your knees would only hit me in the back instead of stomach.
Now, when we nap, I let you fall asleep and I stroke your cheek or face for twenty minutes or so before I also fall asleep. At the doctor today, when my blood pressure was elevating due to my fear of surgery, she asked me to think of something calming, and I pictured your face as you slept next to me. I think you might be the thing to get me through this surgery as I remind myself that you were the prize at the end of my first C-section. If N2 can be half as cute or loving as you, I will have it made.
Sometimes, sweetie, I'm afraid that I won't love N2 as much as I love you. It's funny. My mother-in-law mentioned this fear, and I dismissed it at first, but now I wonder. How can I love anyone like I love you? When I was growing up, my mom used to tell me that if anyone ever hurt me, she'd kill them. Full stop. I wondered why. Then, I had you and the second you were born, I understood what she was saying. My love for you felt like a force of nature. Can I possibly love my daughter this much?
I'm half worried I resent her, honestly. Will she take away from our time together? Will you love me less because I have her? I know the reality is that I'll most likely love her just as much as I love you, but it's scary, isn't it? This is why you hold me and tell me you miss me and love me nowadays and I hug you back and tell you that you are my angel.
I just want you to know that I love so much and even when I'm holding N2 at the hospital after the surgery, I'll be counting the moments until you can join me at the hospital too. When you were born, I couldn't wait to take pictures of you. Now that she is being born, I can't wait to take pictures of BOTH of you together. I wish I could tell you this all now so you understand, but I have to be satisfied with this letter.
Love, your mommy.
Dear N,
You are very clingy nowadays, but, to tell the truth, I don't mind so much since I'm sort of clinging to you too. We both can sense change coming and it is scaring the bejeezus out of us. When I first started this pregnancy and started my daily habit of napping with you for hours each day, it seemed like I had all the time in the world to spend solely with you. Often, as soon as you fell into your nap, I'd turn over to get comfortable so your knees would only hit me in the back instead of stomach.
Now, when we nap, I let you fall asleep and I stroke your cheek or face for twenty minutes or so before I also fall asleep. At the doctor today, when my blood pressure was elevating due to my fear of surgery, she asked me to think of something calming, and I pictured your face as you slept next to me. I think you might be the thing to get me through this surgery as I remind myself that you were the prize at the end of my first C-section. If N2 can be half as cute or loving as you, I will have it made.
Sometimes, sweetie, I'm afraid that I won't love N2 as much as I love you. It's funny. My mother-in-law mentioned this fear, and I dismissed it at first, but now I wonder. How can I love anyone like I love you? When I was growing up, my mom used to tell me that if anyone ever hurt me, she'd kill them. Full stop. I wondered why. Then, I had you and the second you were born, I understood what she was saying. My love for you felt like a force of nature. Can I possibly love my daughter this much?
I'm half worried I resent her, honestly. Will she take away from our time together? Will you love me less because I have her? I know the reality is that I'll most likely love her just as much as I love you, but it's scary, isn't it? This is why you hold me and tell me you miss me and love me nowadays and I hug you back and tell you that you are my angel.
I just want you to know that I love so much and even when I'm holding N2 at the hospital after the surgery, I'll be counting the moments until you can join me at the hospital too. When you were born, I couldn't wait to take pictures of you. Now that she is being born, I can't wait to take pictures of BOTH of you together. I wish I could tell you this all now so you understand, but I have to be satisfied with this letter.
Love, your mommy.
Gonna Be Doing Some Long Drives Over the Next Couple Months
So... If you could, please tell me about podcasts or songs or albums you enjoy. I'll need something to distract me from my overwhelming need to use the bathroom as I'm on hour six of a trip with two sleeping children in the backseat who are preventing me from ever leaving the car again. I like podcasts about knitting, sewing, crafts, Dungeons and Dragons, superheroes, video games, young adult novels, fantasy novels, and television shows I like. Some of my favorite artists are Lily Allen, Kate Nash, OK Go, Kimya Dawson, Postal Service, Jonathan Coulton, Cake, Presidents of the United States of America, Ben Folds Five, The Shins, Eels, Weezer, Stars, Owl City, and Stephen Malkmus. Recommend away.
20120717
Who Is The Funniest, Most Wonderful Person You Know?
I like for my daughter to laugh with and at me, obviously. Like all besotted parents, I attempt to make her laugh every day for quite a bit of time. When N was this age, I was the only one who could consistently make him laugh. He'd bat his eyes at me and smile at me and giggle and coo with me. N2 views me as a food delivery system that likes to hang with her brother.
I sat there watching them and trying to make her laugh. Failure, failure. A few small smiles that indicated that she was trying to please me, perhaps. N looked at her, screamed, "ICE CREAM" for no apparent reason other than he wished to discuss one of his favorite foods, and he laughed. She, in turn, snorted at him with laughter.
If I sound bitter, I assure you I'm not. I'm actually trying to build a closeness between them. I encourage N to believe that she finds him the swellest thing that ever existed. In turn, he then spends more time trying to make her laugh or play. In the beginning, this was a failure because she'd stare at both of us like we had two heads (times two). He'd lose interest and go play with his toys. Now? She laughs, he laughs, she laughs, he laughs. Eventually one of them gets tired and starts to cry.
In other news, one little girl managed to sit for the first time without support for a second or two. She has also rolled over (back to front pretty consistently, then she just cries). She's finally, finally, starting to view the food I'm eating with some vague interest. I let her lick a peach I was eating and she gave me "Why are you giving me battery acid?" face. I gave her a tiny bit (literally a piece about a third of a centimeter in diameter) of breading and she tried spitting it out. I know I'm not doing the standard "start with purees and only go through them in this manner" but I'm not good at following food rules.
Also, in other news, N is starting to understand things we say a lot more, but he's also hilariously incompetent at grasping concepts I'm introducing at times like hypothetical situations. I was trying to describe someone who cuts in line and why and how they are unfair. I used an analogy that described N eating candy he should not have eaten. N thought about this for half a minute before piping up to say, "I'm sorry, mommy." I looked at him, confused, "For what?" He looked at me sadly, "For eating the candy. I didn't mean to." Then I apologized to him and explained how he hadn't eaten any candy. But I think P and I laughed pretty hard about the whole thing. The problem is I often talk to N like I'm talking to a friend instead of a child. I forget that he doesn't understand concepts or words I use until he asks about them. He has finally gotten a slight grasp of basic sarcasm and will ask me if I'm teasing when I'm sarcastic. I nod yes and he tells me to stop teasing, and we move along.
I wonder if N2 is going to grasp everything more quickly because N is there to walk her through it, or more slowly, because N is there to protect her from needing to do things.
If I sound bitter, I assure you I'm not. I'm actually trying to build a closeness between them. I encourage N to believe that she finds him the swellest thing that ever existed. In turn, he then spends more time trying to make her laugh or play. In the beginning, this was a failure because she'd stare at both of us like we had two heads (times two). He'd lose interest and go play with his toys. Now? She laughs, he laughs, she laughs, he laughs. Eventually one of them gets tired and starts to cry.
In other news, one little girl managed to sit for the first time without support for a second or two. She has also rolled over (back to front pretty consistently, then she just cries). She's finally, finally, starting to view the food I'm eating with some vague interest. I let her lick a peach I was eating and she gave me "Why are you giving me battery acid?" face. I gave her a tiny bit (literally a piece about a third of a centimeter in diameter) of breading and she tried spitting it out. I know I'm not doing the standard "start with purees and only go through them in this manner" but I'm not good at following food rules.
Also, in other news, N is starting to understand things we say a lot more, but he's also hilariously incompetent at grasping concepts I'm introducing at times like hypothetical situations. I was trying to describe someone who cuts in line and why and how they are unfair. I used an analogy that described N eating candy he should not have eaten. N thought about this for half a minute before piping up to say, "I'm sorry, mommy." I looked at him, confused, "For what?" He looked at me sadly, "For eating the candy. I didn't mean to." Then I apologized to him and explained how he hadn't eaten any candy. But I think P and I laughed pretty hard about the whole thing. The problem is I often talk to N like I'm talking to a friend instead of a child. I forget that he doesn't understand concepts or words I use until he asks about them. He has finally gotten a slight grasp of basic sarcasm and will ask me if I'm teasing when I'm sarcastic. I nod yes and he tells me to stop teasing, and we move along.
I wonder if N2 is going to grasp everything more quickly because N is there to walk her through it, or more slowly, because N is there to protect her from needing to do things.
20120713
Happiness Is...
As I've stated, I'm trying to get my feelings in order. Some terrible things, some happy things, some big changes, they've all been coming my way, but I've not blogged about them for various reasons. One is that I have more people than I expected reading my blog, including people close to me. Those people don't deserve to find out big change news via my blog. However, since the big change news hadn't been finalized until this week, that means I haven't been able to share it with everyone. (For those of you worried for my future happiness, I'm not pregnant. Please be aware that if I was, my blog would first go silent and then become bitter and hilarious, while people left both congratulations and "Are you dumb?" comments. The "Are you dumb" comments would all be left by my own husband.)
Anyway, the terrible news is that another person close to my family was diagnosed with cancer. This gentleman was a neighbor and a surrogate grandfather figure to N. They often mowed the lawn together. They'd hang and watch Sesame Street and eat M&Ms and Kit-Kat bars.
The saddest part about this is that they are not treating it because they cannot. He most likely will not live beyond a few more months. I'm tearing up thinking of this. I'm sad for his wife. I'm sad for his family. I'm sad for my son. I'm sad for him. I will most likely need to explain to my son where this man is going and what will happen to him. All N knows so far is that he is "very very sick and he can't come home yet from the hospital". This is the first time he'll face death that he'll most likely remember it. While N has been to one funeral already, he was quite young at that one and the overwhelming sadness at that one led P to quickly take him to the children's room so that N could play away from people suffering from grief. I feel guilty because I expect P will have to take this conversation. I cry too easily and I think that would further upset our son.
I will miss this man and I already miss his daily presence. It used to be on a slow day, we'd hop over to their house and him and N would hang for an hour while his wife and I chatted about food and books and children, or we'd all hang out on the front porch while N drove his Power Wheels around. He was abrupt and brunt and generous and fond of N. I hope the rest of his life is awesome. I also hope for a miracle and that he punches cancer in the face. I kind of hope for the latter more, to tell you the truth.
Anyway, the terrible news is that another person close to my family was diagnosed with cancer. This gentleman was a neighbor and a surrogate grandfather figure to N. They often mowed the lawn together. They'd hang and watch Sesame Street and eat M&Ms and Kit-Kat bars.
The saddest part about this is that they are not treating it because they cannot. He most likely will not live beyond a few more months. I'm tearing up thinking of this. I'm sad for his wife. I'm sad for his family. I'm sad for my son. I'm sad for him. I will most likely need to explain to my son where this man is going and what will happen to him. All N knows so far is that he is "very very sick and he can't come home yet from the hospital". This is the first time he'll face death that he'll most likely remember it. While N has been to one funeral already, he was quite young at that one and the overwhelming sadness at that one led P to quickly take him to the children's room so that N could play away from people suffering from grief. I feel guilty because I expect P will have to take this conversation. I cry too easily and I think that would further upset our son.
I will miss this man and I already miss his daily presence. It used to be on a slow day, we'd hop over to their house and him and N would hang for an hour while his wife and I chatted about food and books and children, or we'd all hang out on the front porch while N drove his Power Wheels around. He was abrupt and brunt and generous and fond of N. I hope the rest of his life is awesome. I also hope for a miracle and that he punches cancer in the face. I kind of hope for the latter more, to tell you the truth.
Sad, but kind of funny thought for the day: For the previous two years, a family of ducks has come and lived in our neighbor's bushes. I'm now totally peeved at this duck that it didn't come and live in their yard this year. You couldn't have given the family that much, duck?!
20120711
Hey, Is This Blog On?
The answer is yes. Yes, the blog is still being considered and written to. I have five draft posts that I'm currently unsure if I should post. They are all sentimental or thoughtful and I don't think that is what I do best, but I still kind of want to put out there. For example, I have a letter I wrote to my son prior to my daughter being born and a piece on how I feel about being a "mommy". I'm not sure if they are meant for this blog, or to be written out and put in notes to my children for them to discover one day.
Additionally, a change might be coming to our lives and though that change would be temporary, it's still leaving me afloat in a sea of confusion and planning.
So, I guess my question is, should I also blog the non-funny and non-crafty? Do you want to hear about my legitimate (non-crazy) worries and thoughts?
(Crazy thought of the day -- spent ten minutes planning my attack on the game show Supermarket Sweep which no longer exists. Everyone on that show was always crazy to pick up turkeys for some weird reason. Why didn't people just go to the make-up aisle? That stuff is both expensive AND small!)
Additionally, a change might be coming to our lives and though that change would be temporary, it's still leaving me afloat in a sea of confusion and planning.
So, I guess my question is, should I also blog the non-funny and non-crafty? Do you want to hear about my legitimate (non-crazy) worries and thoughts?
(Crazy thought of the day -- spent ten minutes planning my attack on the game show Supermarket Sweep which no longer exists. Everyone on that show was always crazy to pick up turkeys for some weird reason. Why didn't people just go to the make-up aisle? That stuff is both expensive AND small!)
20120619
Conversations With People
Me: It's just... I feel embarrassed when people tell me they've read Fifty Shades of Grey.
P: Why?
Me: I just don't think it should be a done thing to tell people you consume porn. Also, if you're only going to read a book every year or two or three, that's the book you pick?! Then I feel justified in my contempt for humanity.
My mom: So, you're getting the minivan soon?
Me: Pretty soon. Yeah.
My mom: Going to go with the leather seats, right?
Me: What? No! That's thousands extra for a feature I don't care the least about.
My mom: But, your seats are going to end up a mess! With the leather, at least they'll clean easily.
Me: That's not worth a few extra thousand dollars to me!
My mom: Your life will just be better with leather seats! Why can't you see that?!
Me: Did you not hear me say a few thousand dollars?
My mom: Why don't you ever listen to me?!
P: Why do you always scream when you talk to your mom on the phone?
Me: She's not very good with technology.
P: What does that have to do with anything?
Me: Well, she always screams at me over the phone because she thinks I can't hear her.
P: But you don't have to scream back.
Me: It seems rude to have her scream at me and not to scream back. What if she thinks I'm not into the conversation?
Me: Look, N, there is a deer on the side of the road!
N: Where?!
Me: Well, we passed it now.
N: Why?!
My beloved sister-in-law: It was just standing there and we had to keep driving.
N: Don't hit it!
Me: Well, I didn't, so we're safe.
N: Don't hit it!
My beloved sister-in-law: It's behind us and it didn't cross.
N: It have to look left, then right, then left before crossing!
Me: It wasn't crossing. It was just standing there.
N: Left, then right!
Me: Maybe it could just fly across the road!
N: Deer don't fly.
Me: Reindeer do, don't they? Don't Santa's reindeer fly?
N: Moose don't fly.
Me: Good thing that was a deer and not a moose.
N: Where was it?
My beloved sister-in-law: It's like having a conversation with a drunk, isn't it?
N: I didn't see the moose!
Me: Ugh. Traffic. I hate traffic.
N: I hate traffic too!
Me: We don't use the word hate.
N: You hate traffic.
Me: Maybe. But we don't use that word. Mommy is sorry she used that word. Let's talk about the traffic more nicely.
N: JESUS! This traffic is bad.
Me: I'm failing you, aren't I?
(Scene: Jeopardy playing. Category: Authors with three names.)
Jeopardy: This author died in 2008 and his most famous work is Infinite Jest.
Me: David Wallace!
Jeopardy: David Foster Wallace!
P: Your answer doesn't count.
Me: What?
P: You needed all three names since that is the category.
Me: But I knew who it was.
P: But you needed all three names.
Me: I know that and if I were actually on Jeopardy I would have clearly lost money, but I think we can still say that I knew the author in question.
P: Still wouldn't have gotten it right on Jeopardy.
P: Why?
Me: I just don't think it should be a done thing to tell people you consume porn. Also, if you're only going to read a book every year or two or three, that's the book you pick?! Then I feel justified in my contempt for humanity.
***
My mom: So, you're getting the minivan soon?
Me: Pretty soon. Yeah.
My mom: Going to go with the leather seats, right?
Me: What? No! That's thousands extra for a feature I don't care the least about.
My mom: But, your seats are going to end up a mess! With the leather, at least they'll clean easily.
Me: That's not worth a few extra thousand dollars to me!
My mom: Your life will just be better with leather seats! Why can't you see that?!
Me: Did you not hear me say a few thousand dollars?
My mom: Why don't you ever listen to me?!
***
P: Why do you always scream when you talk to your mom on the phone?
Me: She's not very good with technology.
P: What does that have to do with anything?
Me: Well, she always screams at me over the phone because she thinks I can't hear her.
P: But you don't have to scream back.
Me: It seems rude to have her scream at me and not to scream back. What if she thinks I'm not into the conversation?
***
Me: Look, N, there is a deer on the side of the road!
N: Where?!
Me: Well, we passed it now.
N: Why?!
My beloved sister-in-law: It was just standing there and we had to keep driving.
N: Don't hit it!
Me: Well, I didn't, so we're safe.
N: Don't hit it!
My beloved sister-in-law: It's behind us and it didn't cross.
N: It have to look left, then right, then left before crossing!
Me: It wasn't crossing. It was just standing there.
N: Left, then right!
Me: Maybe it could just fly across the road!
N: Deer don't fly.
Me: Reindeer do, don't they? Don't Santa's reindeer fly?
N: Moose don't fly.
Me: Good thing that was a deer and not a moose.
N: Where was it?
My beloved sister-in-law: It's like having a conversation with a drunk, isn't it?
N: I didn't see the moose!
***
Me: Ugh. Traffic. I hate traffic.
N: I hate traffic too!
Me: We don't use the word hate.
N: You hate traffic.
Me: Maybe. But we don't use that word. Mommy is sorry she used that word. Let's talk about the traffic more nicely.
N: JESUS! This traffic is bad.
Me: I'm failing you, aren't I?
***
(Scene: Jeopardy playing. Category: Authors with three names.)
Jeopardy: This author died in 2008 and his most famous work is Infinite Jest.
Me: David Wallace!
Jeopardy: David Foster Wallace!
P: Your answer doesn't count.
Me: What?
P: You needed all three names since that is the category.
Me: But I knew who it was.
P: But you needed all three names.
Me: I know that and if I were actually on Jeopardy I would have clearly lost money, but I think we can still say that I knew the author in question.
P: Still wouldn't have gotten it right on Jeopardy.
20120614
The Life Of A Blogging Mom
Sometimes, when I read mommy blogs, I get dejected. The bloggers don't mean to make me feel that way. Their posts are not full of judgment. They seem sweet and kind and capable. But, I feel dejected. Why? Well, here is a fake sample daily schedule for the mommy bloggers I read.
3.30 AM: Woke up. Got on running shoes. Made kale and strawberry and banana smoothie. Used the strawberries from our most recent strawberry picking trip. (Or, alternatively, if this is a more rural blog, used the strawberries from our garden.)
3:45 AM: Ran six miles.
4:50 AM: After quick shower, sat down at computer to write about 3,000 words of the novel/cookbook/sewing book/DIY book I'm working on.
5:50 AM: Start breakfast for children and husband. The food is from the organic market that pops up every Saturday. It is full of whole grains and fresh fruit. (Or, if more rural, making omelet from eggs I picked up from my hens this morning.)
6:15 AM: Everyone is awake and eating together. We discuss how we hope our day will go.
7:00 AM: Husband is off to work and I spend the morning with my children, home-schooling them and involved in active play with them. We work on our science projects we have going and learn about the planets by building a scale model of the solar system! So much fun. After that, we spend time building pillow forts and pretending to be dragons and knights. I pull out all the costumes I hand-sewed!
10:00 AM: Time to start making lunch. I make sure all the children are aproned and we all work together to make bread for lunch and to make some refrigerator jam with the strawberries that are too ripe! I let them make a mess of the kitchen and I am so happy!
12:00 PM: We all sit down to lunch on a picnic blanket on the grass outside and while I knit a sweater for my children, they play peacefully and happily with each other.
1:00 PM: More homeschooling! We're working on reading and then we go to the local park to do more studying on nature.
2:30 PM: Time to cart my children around to activities. They make me so tired, but I know my children love them and want to participate in them.
5:00 PM: Back home to make dinner. I use one of my pinterest links, but sub out anything that seems unhealthy. Everything tastes good and fresh now that it is summer.
6:00 PM: Dinner outside again and everyone is terrific. We discuss our day and play dinner games.
7:00 PM: All the children quietly do homework and read or play outside within eyesight while my husband and I lovingly discuss our life and our plans for the future as we hold hands and watch the younger children.
8:00 PM: Everyone is in bed besides me and my husband. I start to blog! Time to process photos and post.
9:30 PM: Time to bake a cake for the special birthday tomorrow and maybe sew up some special clothing for my children.
11:00 PM: Bed time!
These people writing these blogs are so genuinely good and involved with their childrens' lives that it makes me sad. Here is a sample daily schedule for me:
7:30 AM: N2 and I are sleeping/nursing and trying to squeeze another few moments of shut eye in. Suddenly, a nude N is laying on the bed next to me kicking the headboard and asking me to put his pajamas back on him. I groggily ask where his pajamas are and he throws them on me. With one arm, so as not to wake N2, I try to finagle them on him and fail. I ask him to bring me a shirt so I can put that on instead. He cries/screams loudly about wanting to wear pajamas and this wakes up N2 who weeps about the end of her morning nursing. She decides now is the ideal time to have a bowel movement that ends up ruining her onesie and sleeper.
8:00 AM: Everyone is dressed and clean, including me. I look inside the fridge to get N a yogurt and realize I forgot to buy yogurt. Captain Crunch it is. Again. He eats it and asks for chocolate milk. I turn on some Go, Diego, Go, so he'll finish it off quietly.
8:25 AM: Go, Diego, Go is over and N is asking what we plan to be doing. I tell him I need to think about it and I check the weather reports and meetups planned. After some time, I decide it is a zoo day. We just have to get everything prepped. Time to feed N2 again. Wait, she needs to get changed again. Throw a load of laundry in and discover I never folded the clothes in the dryer. Do so. Pack diaper bag. Make lunch and pack that. Oh, the cat is throwing up. Clean that up. Change N again because he wants to wear his soccer jersey and is following me around crying about it.
9:30 AM: N2 is down for her first nap. Desperate for sleep, I throw on another Go, Diego, and take a swift 25 minute nap. Best 25 minutes of my life.
10:30 AM: Starting out the door. Really need coffee. Plan trip to Starbucks.
10:45 AM: Finally have N buckled in, the car packed, and N2 in her carseat. Wailing. I think she might be hungry again.
11:15 AM: At Starbucks, N begs for a juice box. I give in and get him that and the shortbread cookies. I get a venti coffee drink and try to drink it as quickly as possible. Getting N and N2 into and out of the car is a large portion of my day. I threaten to leave N at the Starbucks if he doesn't start hurrying along. He ignores me until I start walking out the door which is when he starts to wail. I pretend I have no idea who he is even though he's screaming mommy right at me.
12:00 PM: Get to the zoo. It is packed. Put N2 in the baby bjorn so she can take a second nap of the day. We walk and walk and walk and talk and talk and talk and feed N2 again. I answer questions about trucks approximately fifteen hundred times. All I can think about is my aching back and bulldozers.
3:00 PM: After giant fight to get N into the car, we manage to get heading home. N2 decides she is starving and screams through all the suburb heading traffic home. N asks why she's crying every five minutes and spends the rest of the time discussing either soccer, animals, or trucks.
3:50 PM: Pull into driveway. I rush into house to feed N2. She falls asleep immediately, tired from crying too much. I put N into pajamas for a short nap.
4:15 PM: Clearly N is not meant to nap today. I keep at it. I need that nap!
4:25 PM: N is sleeping! YES!
4:30 PM: N2 wakes up. NO! Oh well, quality time with my daughter, right?
6:00 PM: She falls asleep after a lot of peekaboo, cuddling, and iPhone checking. I nap with her on the couch.
6:20 PM: P walks in and is convinced that all I do all day is nap with children.
3.30 AM: Woke up. Got on running shoes. Made kale and strawberry and banana smoothie. Used the strawberries from our most recent strawberry picking trip. (Or, alternatively, if this is a more rural blog, used the strawberries from our garden.)
3:45 AM: Ran six miles.
4:50 AM: After quick shower, sat down at computer to write about 3,000 words of the novel/cookbook/sewing book/DIY book I'm working on.
5:50 AM: Start breakfast for children and husband. The food is from the organic market that pops up every Saturday. It is full of whole grains and fresh fruit. (Or, if more rural, making omelet from eggs I picked up from my hens this morning.)
6:15 AM: Everyone is awake and eating together. We discuss how we hope our day will go.
7:00 AM: Husband is off to work and I spend the morning with my children, home-schooling them and involved in active play with them. We work on our science projects we have going and learn about the planets by building a scale model of the solar system! So much fun. After that, we spend time building pillow forts and pretending to be dragons and knights. I pull out all the costumes I hand-sewed!
10:00 AM: Time to start making lunch. I make sure all the children are aproned and we all work together to make bread for lunch and to make some refrigerator jam with the strawberries that are too ripe! I let them make a mess of the kitchen and I am so happy!
12:00 PM: We all sit down to lunch on a picnic blanket on the grass outside and while I knit a sweater for my children, they play peacefully and happily with each other.
1:00 PM: More homeschooling! We're working on reading and then we go to the local park to do more studying on nature.
2:30 PM: Time to cart my children around to activities. They make me so tired, but I know my children love them and want to participate in them.
5:00 PM: Back home to make dinner. I use one of my pinterest links, but sub out anything that seems unhealthy. Everything tastes good and fresh now that it is summer.
6:00 PM: Dinner outside again and everyone is terrific. We discuss our day and play dinner games.
7:00 PM: All the children quietly do homework and read or play outside within eyesight while my husband and I lovingly discuss our life and our plans for the future as we hold hands and watch the younger children.
8:00 PM: Everyone is in bed besides me and my husband. I start to blog! Time to process photos and post.
9:30 PM: Time to bake a cake for the special birthday tomorrow and maybe sew up some special clothing for my children.
11:00 PM: Bed time!
These people writing these blogs are so genuinely good and involved with their childrens' lives that it makes me sad. Here is a sample daily schedule for me:
7:30 AM: N2 and I are sleeping/nursing and trying to squeeze another few moments of shut eye in. Suddenly, a nude N is laying on the bed next to me kicking the headboard and asking me to put his pajamas back on him. I groggily ask where his pajamas are and he throws them on me. With one arm, so as not to wake N2, I try to finagle them on him and fail. I ask him to bring me a shirt so I can put that on instead. He cries/screams loudly about wanting to wear pajamas and this wakes up N2 who weeps about the end of her morning nursing. She decides now is the ideal time to have a bowel movement that ends up ruining her onesie and sleeper.
8:00 AM: Everyone is dressed and clean, including me. I look inside the fridge to get N a yogurt and realize I forgot to buy yogurt. Captain Crunch it is. Again. He eats it and asks for chocolate milk. I turn on some Go, Diego, Go, so he'll finish it off quietly.
8:25 AM: Go, Diego, Go is over and N is asking what we plan to be doing. I tell him I need to think about it and I check the weather reports and meetups planned. After some time, I decide it is a zoo day. We just have to get everything prepped. Time to feed N2 again. Wait, she needs to get changed again. Throw a load of laundry in and discover I never folded the clothes in the dryer. Do so. Pack diaper bag. Make lunch and pack that. Oh, the cat is throwing up. Clean that up. Change N again because he wants to wear his soccer jersey and is following me around crying about it.
9:30 AM: N2 is down for her first nap. Desperate for sleep, I throw on another Go, Diego, and take a swift 25 minute nap. Best 25 minutes of my life.
10:30 AM: Starting out the door. Really need coffee. Plan trip to Starbucks.
10:45 AM: Finally have N buckled in, the car packed, and N2 in her carseat. Wailing. I think she might be hungry again.
11:15 AM: At Starbucks, N begs for a juice box. I give in and get him that and the shortbread cookies. I get a venti coffee drink and try to drink it as quickly as possible. Getting N and N2 into and out of the car is a large portion of my day. I threaten to leave N at the Starbucks if he doesn't start hurrying along. He ignores me until I start walking out the door which is when he starts to wail. I pretend I have no idea who he is even though he's screaming mommy right at me.
12:00 PM: Get to the zoo. It is packed. Put N2 in the baby bjorn so she can take a second nap of the day. We walk and walk and walk and talk and talk and talk and feed N2 again. I answer questions about trucks approximately fifteen hundred times. All I can think about is my aching back and bulldozers.
3:00 PM: After giant fight to get N into the car, we manage to get heading home. N2 decides she is starving and screams through all the suburb heading traffic home. N asks why she's crying every five minutes and spends the rest of the time discussing either soccer, animals, or trucks.
3:50 PM: Pull into driveway. I rush into house to feed N2. She falls asleep immediately, tired from crying too much. I put N into pajamas for a short nap.
4:15 PM: Clearly N is not meant to nap today. I keep at it. I need that nap!
4:25 PM: N is sleeping! YES!
4:30 PM: N2 wakes up. NO! Oh well, quality time with my daughter, right?
6:00 PM: She falls asleep after a lot of peekaboo, cuddling, and iPhone checking. I nap with her on the couch.
6:20 PM: P walks in and is convinced that all I do all day is nap with children.
20120613
How Sick Is Kitten?!
Today was hideous. I mostly slept, but occasionally I would wake to hallucinate or eat. I'll admit it was an unusual sick day in that I was starving whenever I awoke, but I was still pretty damned sick. If you are slightly worried about my hallucinations, I'd advise you not to be too worried. I simply start to see things out of the corners of my eyes. It normally happens when I take liquid cold medicine and I'm extremely sick. Everything about the day begins to take on a hazy quality where in I'm unsure if anything I'm doing or seeing is real. It made for a fun drive to my mom's house (where she watched my children and let me continue my sleep healing). I basically dug my nails into my arms and asked N to keep up a constant stream of chatter while I sucked down a large coffee. Occasionally, I'd ask if something I was seeing was real. "N, there is a car turned around on the Turnpike in front of me. Do you see it too?" "Yes, mommy, and cops coming!" "Good, good. Do you see the other car driving backwards on the other side of the road?" "Yes, why it do that?" "No clue."
I did realize how sick I was last night when I awoke today to find that my sink was full of dirty dishes. Here is the scale of how sick I am using my household cleaning status at nightfall:
Bed is unmade, both hampers are full, toys are all around, sink is full of dirty dishes (and dishwasher is still not full) -- Kitten is probably in the hospital. If not, she should be.
Bed is made, but hampers are full. Toys are out in living room and children's bedroom. Sink is partially filled with dishes, but dishwasher is full -- Kitten is really sick. Get her some sleep and some medicine.
Bed is made, hampers are partially filled. Toys are out in children's bedroom. Sink has one or two big pans in it and dishwasher is full -- Kitten is probably just tired, but she might have a mild cold. Also, this happens during early or late pregnancy.
Bed is made, hampers have a few items in them, toys are away, sink is clean -- Kitten is plotting how to get kitchen table clean, worrying about the state of the kitchen floor and the bathroom sink, and is fully healthy.
Do any of you hallucinate when sick? Also if anyone has seen an episode of a live action show about Alice In Wonderland that was about cough drops -- it would have aired in the early morning of the mid nineties, you'd be doing me a favor if you told me so. I'm still trying to determine if I hallucinated that or not.
I did realize how sick I was last night when I awoke today to find that my sink was full of dirty dishes. Here is the scale of how sick I am using my household cleaning status at nightfall:
Bed is unmade, both hampers are full, toys are all around, sink is full of dirty dishes (and dishwasher is still not full) -- Kitten is probably in the hospital. If not, she should be.
Bed is made, but hampers are full. Toys are out in living room and children's bedroom. Sink is partially filled with dishes, but dishwasher is full -- Kitten is really sick. Get her some sleep and some medicine.
Bed is made, hampers are partially filled. Toys are out in children's bedroom. Sink has one or two big pans in it and dishwasher is full -- Kitten is probably just tired, but she might have a mild cold. Also, this happens during early or late pregnancy.
Bed is made, hampers have a few items in them, toys are away, sink is clean -- Kitten is plotting how to get kitchen table clean, worrying about the state of the kitchen floor and the bathroom sink, and is fully healthy.
Do any of you hallucinate when sick? Also if anyone has seen an episode of a live action show about Alice In Wonderland that was about cough drops -- it would have aired in the early morning of the mid nineties, you'd be doing me a favor if you told me so. I'm still trying to determine if I hallucinated that or not.
20120611
Weekly Roundup
- Had mastitis over the weekend, on the date of N's fourth birthday party. It was terrific. First I woke up with chills so bad that I went outside and laid on my mom's driveway like a lizard warming myself. Then, I took another nap and woke up so feverish my mom looked slightly horrified. Basically forced N2 to nurse off the affected breast every three seconds and emptied it in the shower twice a day. Still like nursing, but that was not good.
- Someone asked me over this weekend if I had read Fifty Shades of Grey
. Reacted like they had asked if I was a serial killer. Perhaps I would have reacted less violently if they had actually asked me if I was a serial killer. Think my exact words were, "Do I look like I read Twilight bondage fanfic? Is that what you think of me?" I'd like you all to note that I said that and I do read fanfic, though not bondage fanfic. Can't wait to see which search results get to my page now!
- N got a Batmobile, Mjölnir, Captain America's shield, and the Millennium Falcon for his birthday. I feel like if he gets more geeky before the age of five, we should all be worried.
- N's godparents (and our good friends) came to visit us. It was fantastic. Our children played, we chatted and ate, and people were merry.
- My next door neighbor and N's beloved faux grandfather got word that he has cancer. He smoked over sixteen years ago and just developed this cancer. With that and my step-father's lung cancer which developed ten years after quitting, I plan on reiterating "no smoking" to my children every month for the rest of their lives.
- A friend said cleaning her kitchen made her feel like Sisyphus. At least that bastard's loved ones were not the ones pushing the rock back down the hill.
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