20080422

would you rather...

I'm sure many of you have played the game, "Would you rather..." or "This or That" where you describe two horrible or great occurrences, and you're forced to choose between the two.

Here is my own pregnancy's version of "Would you rather..."

Would you rather...

"Sleep on your left side or right side."


As some of you might not know, I had a blood clot strike my thigh during my 24th week of pregnancy. This blood clot was large, dangerous, and I'm now on blood thinners shots twice a day. My doctor has advised me that sleeping on my left side is the best option for my baby. My surgeon has advised me that sleeping on my right side takes the baby's weight off my vein and allows the blood to flow more easily back to my heart.

This is a hard one. I mean, I don't want this baby to die after I've put this much work into it, so it seems like sleeping on my left side would be the sensible thing to do. I like my baby after all. He or she is already, obviously, going to be the cutest baby on Earth. (Also? Good news! It's probably smart. Genetics say if both parents have fairly high IQs, it has a good 85% or so chance of inheriting instead of turning out to be dumb. Unfortunately, the few sips of wine I've taken during pregnancy might have counteracted Paul's natural ability with math and science.) Shouldn't I make sure it gets here?

However, on the other hand, I'd like to live, and making sure the blood gets back to my heart seems like a fairly reasonable thing.

RESULT: A compromise. I often sleep on my left side, but in the middle of the night, I sometimes believe I can feel the blood flow having problems in my thigh, so I turn over to my right side. I hope the baby does okay, but I'll be pissed if I die.

"Take Lovenox or Heparin."

Well, Lovenox has one major disadvantage in the late game of pregnancy -- it takes 12 to 24 hours to wear off sufficiently for me to get an epidural. And if you think I'm going through labor without major drugs, you are crazy.

Heparin will allow me to get an epidural only 4 to 6 hours after my last shot, and can be reversed in case of emergency c-section needs. However, Heparin is now killing people.

RESULT: Heparin. I need drugs in case of vaginal labor or c-section. However, I'll be pissed if I die. (As above.)

"Give birth by C-section or vaginal birth."

Well, c-section has a lot of negatives. Okay, two negatives. One, it's a major surgery. Two, they cut open your body to pull the baby out, and you'll need stitches and recovery time for that. However, it only lasts about half an hour, and then you got a baby!

Vaginal birth is natural (but drugged for me) and easier on my body. Maybe. It might not be. It might take anywhere from an hour to 90 hours. Who is to say? It might result in 'tearing'. It might result in me having to have a c-section anyway. It might cause me incontinence later in life. It might cause me to get hemorrhoids. The baby's heart might have trouble with this option. They might have to frickin' vacuum the baby out of me.

RESULT: Since I can't actually keep the baby in me, and it's getting uncomfortable anyway, I'll go for vaginal birth if possible. However, that's just because I fear getting cut open. If I wasn't a wimp, I'd beg for a c-section.

"Get kicked or not get kicked."

I am getting kicked, prodded, pushed, and smacked about by the baby a lot nowadays. It's progressed way beyond the gentle flutters of week 20 when I was entranced with the fact that I had managed to create a life inside of me.

I'm now at the point where I've had enough. This child is STRONG. In fact, I told Paul that when this baby comes out of me, he's going to mock me because the baby won't punch that hard, but I swear, I see my stomach roll with its movements.

It has headbutted me in the ribs, kicked me in the bladder, and punched me in the lungs, I think. I will be happily playing computer, or reading a book, or driving, having forgotten the pain of pregnancy when Kittle gives me a 'gentle' reminder that he or she is still alive.

On one hand, I'm glad this occurs. I'm a natural worrier, and I'm always fearing that I've done my baby wrong by taking Percocet during my blood clot problem. (Seriously, I dreamt my baby had three eyes due to my screwy pregnancy behavior.) Feeling it kick and hiccup and move means it is still alive and probably doing well.

On the other hand, sometimes when it occurs, I wish that Kittle took longer naps so I could not be getting weird pains while I'm trying to buy a cup of hot chocolate.

RESULT: Kicks, but that doesn't make me happy.

"Prefer the baby to stay high or drop low."


Well, currently the baby is high, but it is supposed to 'drop' or 'lighten' within the next two weeks. What are the problems with the baby being high? I feel like I'm suffocating about twenty percent of the time. I literally feel like I can't breathe as the baby pushes against my lungs and I'm forced to sit and gasp for air like some sort of fish out of water. Also, I keep having to throw up late in the pregnancy as the baby sits in places that appear to block comfortable passage of food into my stomach. Which the baby is also trying to take the place of.

On the other hand, lightening is often described as feeling like 'a watermelon is sitting between your legs ready to come out' and increasing your bathroom needs from every two to three hours TO every half hour.

RESULT: High. Getting up to go to the bathroom every three hours already sucks. Getting up to go every half hour to hour might actually kill me.


"Boy or Girl."


Girls have way cuter clothes. WAY CUTER. Way more options for clothing as well. Go to your average Target or Babies'R'Us and compare the girls' clothing section to the boys'. Notice how the boys' section has about two racks of onesies while you can literally barely walk through the girls' section? That's because baby girls are cuter to dress. And you can put their hair into tiny pigtails or tiny barrettes.

On the other hand, at age thirteen, that girl is going to become snotty and fight with me all the time and tell me how much more she loves her daddy. A boy will most likely be mellow at that age, or at least quieter in his dislike for me.

RESULT: Healthy Baby. There's no winning with this one.