20120619

Conversations With People

Me:  It's just...  I feel embarrassed when people tell me they've read Fifty Shades of Grey.
P:  Why?
Me:  I just don't think it should be a done thing to tell people you consume porn.  Also, if you're only going to read a book every year or two or three, that's the book you pick?!  Then I feel justified in my contempt for humanity.

***

My mom:  So, you're getting the minivan soon?
Me:  Pretty soon.  Yeah.
My mom:  Going to go with the leather seats, right?
Me:  What?  No!  That's thousands extra for a feature I don't care the least about.
My mom:  But, your seats are going to end up a mess!  With the leather, at least they'll clean easily.
Me:  That's not worth a few extra thousand dollars to me!
My mom:  Your life will just be better with leather seats!  Why can't you see that?!
Me:  Did you not hear me say a few thousand dollars?
My mom:  Why don't you ever listen to me?!

Bumblebee Sister

***

P:  Why do you always scream when you talk to your mom on the phone?
Me:  She's not very good with technology.
P:  What does that have to do with anything?
Me:  Well, she always screams at me over the phone because she thinks I can't hear her.
P:  But you don't have to scream back.
Me:  It seems rude to have her scream at me and not to scream back.  What if she thinks I'm not into the conversation?

***

Me:  Look, N, there is a deer on the side of the road!
N:  Where?!
Me:  Well, we passed it now.
N:  Why?!
My beloved sister-in-law:  It was just standing there and we had to keep driving.
N:  Don't hit it!
Me:  Well, I didn't, so we're safe.
N:  Don't hit it!
My beloved sister-in-law:  It's behind us and it didn't cross.
N:  It have to look left, then right, then left before crossing!
Me:  It wasn't crossing.  It was just standing there.
N:  Left, then right!
Me:  Maybe it could just fly across the road!
N:  Deer don't fly.
Me:  Reindeer do, don't they?  Don't Santa's reindeer fly?
N:  Moose don't fly.
Me:  Good thing that was a deer and not a moose.
N:  Where was it?
My beloved sister-in-law:  It's like having a conversation with a drunk, isn't it?
N:  I didn't see the moose!

Nathan LOVES Fire Stations
***

Me:  Ugh.  Traffic.  I hate traffic.
N:  I hate traffic too!
Me:  We don't use the word hate.
N:  You hate traffic.
Me:  Maybe.  But we don't use that word.  Mommy is sorry she used that word.  Let's talk about the traffic more nicely.
N:  JESUS!  This traffic is bad.
Me:  I'm failing you, aren't I?

Damn You Blurriness!
***

(Scene:  Jeopardy playing.  Category:  Authors with three names.)
Jeopardy:  This author died in 2008 and his most famous work is Infinite Jest.
Me:  David Wallace!
Jeopardy:  David Foster Wallace!
P:  Your answer doesn't count.
Me:  What?
P:  You needed all three names since that is the category.
Me:  But I knew who it was.
P:  But you needed all three names.
Me:  I know that and if I were actually on Jeopardy I would have clearly lost money, but I think we can still say that I knew the author in question.
P:  Still wouldn't have gotten it right on Jeopardy.

Cupcake Girl




3 comments:

First Time Mom (April) said...

LOL! I love it. And I cannot wait to have deer conversations with Ollie.

angie said...

You just made my day. reminds me of the conversations that i'm starting to have with thing1 and thing2.

bookwormbethie said...

hope you are doing well, "the girl who circumnavigated...." was awesome!