Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Here's the thing, I'll watch almost any comic book movie once. I saw the first Fantastic Four movie, Sin City, and everything else ever. I will one day see Ghost Rider. I will continue to watch comic book movies (other than any other Sin City movies) because I have a deep-seated enjoyment of comic book stories and they are mostly fun. Sometimes, this works out for me (X-Men 2 and Spiderman 2 spring to mind) and other times you're watching Sin City and hoping that your eyeballs don't start bleeding.
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer did not make my eyes bleed, but now that I've seen it, I never need to see (most of) it again. It was an improvement from the first movie, but it could hardly NOT be. The first movie was, in fact, so bad, that I've blocked it mostly from my mind. At one point the major and climactic villian from the first movie appears and I had to ask Paul who he was. Paul gave me a weird look and answered and I was like "Oh... yeah. I forgot that point of the first movie." I'm sure that in two years, I will have forgotten that he was in this movie. Perhaps they picked a bad actor for the role, perhaps the writing is truly bad, but he does not stick in my mind at all.
Jessica Alba is worrying in this film. She looks like a barbie, in both her skin shade and her strange facial features. I'm a little worried for her. She's so pretty. How is this happening to her? Also, perhaps I should avoid gorgeous women in comic book movies. Between her and Halle Berry, they play numerous horrid, horrid comic book characters in movies. I kind of wonder if the writers get lazy with the writing for these females simply because they believe their looks alone can make them sympathic and vibrant. Jessica, darling, please... Stop with the self-tanner. It's worrying.
The Thing was a lot better this movie. He was non-angsty, but also barely there. The Human Torch continues to be one of my favorite characters ever in comic book movies. He just enjoys being a fucking superhero. Why can't more comic book heroes just enjoy being a superhero? He's all, "Hey, check me out! I'm on fire!" One of the things that annoyed me most was everyone harping on how selfish and jerkish he was. The Invisible Woman, the most annoying, self-centered, self-righteous character of them all, constantly bitched about him. If he had set her on fire, I would have clapped. Dear Johnny, please ignore your suck ass friends and family. You're awesome.
Lastly, the Silver Surfer, was he cool? Answer, he was cool enough that I'd watch a film about him. However, I'd like it to just be about him. Or maybe about him and the Human Torch. Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman need to drop dead. At least they do in these movies.
My rating: 4/10
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 37%
Other's Opinions:
Paul -- Liked it enough. Was happy we saw it. "Jessica Alba is hot even if she looks like she's mostly composed of plastic."
Steven -- Liked it? I didn't get a real feel for him loving the movie, but perhaps I missed his crazy enthusiasm for it. Was disappointed, like Paul, by the lack of a final fight/battle between the Silver Surfer and Galactus.
Paula -- "It was fun."
Tom -- "What do you have against the Transformers movie, STEVE?" Tom didn't want to discuss the movie so much as Steven's non-intention to see Transformers.
Whispered Aside Made During Movie:
"The Invisible Woman is orange. She needs to lay off the self-tanner."
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